A Blast of Wind in your Ear

Well…i’ve done it again, I keep planning to get updates out but that just hasn’t happened…just too many things going on..I’m way behind so I’ll try and get up to date as soon as possible…
After the nightmares of travel to Kuala Lumpur, I needed something relaxing…In a previous drunken haze in Vietnam, Dan and I both agreed that we needed to do a detox to cleanse ourselves of the excesses of Vietnam…as that was two months previous I had more or less forgotten about it. Then when Dan met up with us again in Koh Phi Phi, he had remembered and wanted to get it all sorted out…I was all up for the detox but didn’t want to know what it entailed…better off getting the surprise when I got there rather than over-thinking it and possibly chickening out..

As I said in the last mail, Dan collected me from the ferry and after a white knuckle ride to the resort we were ready to start. We met the course director, a greek guy called Vangellis who talked us through what was going to be our life for the next 7 and a half days…he explained what our day would be and what the program involved and gave us our daily schedule…the worst of which being 2 colemas per day (one morning and one in the evening) that were to be performed by yourself… he provided us with a tube the size of a drinking straw and a little tub of lube..then he made us watch someone having a colema on video…it was a disturbing experience and made me want to run there and then.. even being told that we were not allowed any food from when the program started the following morning for 7 and a half days… with our straws in hand and lube in pocket we ran back to our room, rented a pair of scooters and drove like lunatics til we found a decent restaurant and we got some food…it must have been the slowest I have ever eaten in my life. Every last bite was savoured…i guess it was the last meal for 7 and a half days so it had to be enjoyed..

The day began at 7.30 with a herbal shake (Psyllium and Bentonate) which was disgusting…I just tasted like slimey goo and was god-awful to drink, the only way was down in one which then had to be followed by a pint of water. At 9am it was down for herbal pills, 6 of them to be taken, they were even worse as they would repeat on you all day long…and you had to take them 4 times a day….then at 9.45am it was time for the first colema, we were shown how to massage your gut to keep the flow going and then told what to do…I won’t go into details but it was not fun…the mixture in the 5 gallon bucket was basically coffee and water…still 2 months on and I cannot stand the smell of coffee…at 12 then it was more pills washed down with carrot juice…i never had carrot juice before but it was lovely.. followed by a massage at 12.15…this was definitely the best part of the day..the carrot juice (carrot and pineapple after 3rd day) and the massage made it the most enjoyable parts of the course…out from that then for another herbal shake.., followed by soup at 6pm…well they called it soup but it was basically cabbage water and badly needed cayenne pepper and lime juice to make it palatable.. this was then followed by the second colema…finally last shake at 7.30pm and final pills at 9pm with a special pill containing special bacteria that apparently would help you have pleasant dreams (didn’t work for me)

So how did it feel, well it wasn’t so bad…at no stage in the 7 days did I ever feel hungry…the course was ran very well by 2 burmese brothers (Tzo and Noah), I was shocked to find out from Tzo that they were paid the equivalent of £60 each per month…most of which was sent home to their parents…you couldn’t ask for 2 nicer lads, they were really bubbly and full of laughs all the time…the first day was ok..the second day you just felt tired all the time…the third day you felt completely knackered with zero energy, standing up would leave you dizzy and light-headed..Apparently this is because this is the day that your systems toxins level is at its highest…but then the change happened on the fourth day..all of a sudden you wake up and you have more energy, you feel so much better… by the end of it you feel really good, very clear headed and full of energy…when you finally start eating again you can only start with watermelon and then you have to stick to steamed veg and fruit for another 4 days…after this you can introduce meat…it sounds tough…but it actually it isn’t at all…after 7 and a half days without food you cannot eat that much anyways…

During the days you are kept so busy you don’t think about food that much.. Dan and I would go for burns on the scooters…the roads on Koh Pha Ngan are pretty good…its a hairy ride though from where we were in Thong Sala to Haad Rin where the full moon party was on…the hills are crazy steep…cars and trucks can only go up one at a time..on the day of the full moon party (4th day in) John arrived on the island..i collected him and drove him to Haad Rin to meet the rest of the crew…it was an interesting ride…having the extra weight on the back was killing the scooter ability to make the hills…we got there in one piece though but unfortunately I had a puncture..pain in the ass…it was good enough to make it all the way back and it cost me the princely sum of 120 baht (£2.50) to get it fixed….then after all our commitments were done for the course, Dan and I headed down to meet John and the crew…and I had to bring John back to the night ferry for the long and horrible journey back to the auld sod.. for those that don’t know of it, Haad Rin is famous for its full moon parties…the whole town is built around the full moon parties and it’s here they are at their most insane..the party was wild but after about an hour or so I had enough with the smell of food driving me mental…i just wanted one chicken skewer.. thankfully it was time to hit the road..and a night time scooter ride back to the night ferry..

It was here that John and I went our separate ways for the last time.. it was 5 and a half months of a rollercoaster ride.. and apart from one incident in Moscow we didn’t have any hard words (twas after an overnight train from St Petersburg where we, rather than sleep, went boozing in the restaurant car for the entire journey (8 hours) and arrived in Moscow during morning rush hour, inebriated and knackered and completely lost).. we had a blast through the Czech Republic, Poland, Lithuania, Russia, Mongolia, China, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos and Thailand.. we were lucky in the fact that we were able to agree on most things relatively easily and unlike a lot of friends that go travelling, it probably made our friendship stronger..i couldn’t have asked for a better travel buddy…well maybe Duibhir…but that would completely have been for comic effect (no offence Taoiseach), trying to find him places to eat in China would have been hilarious  , everything there comes with sauce of some kind!!! It was sad to say goodbye..

Anyways at the end of the detox, I felt great..the last thing that they get you to do before you leave is a weigh-in.. over the 7 and a half days I lost 5.4 kilos… almost a stone…not bad…would I do it again…ah..no.. no matter how good I felt at the end, I just love food way way way too much.. to go 7 and a half days without was way too long…some people there were doing 11 days of a detox..not for me..

From here now its onto Koh Tao…my plan was to spend 6 weeks or so there learning Muay Thai (thai kick boxing)..more on that next time..

Fyi..i am way behind on emails…the above all happened at the start of march…I am currently in New Zealand…I will try and get another update out this week..

Talk soon
hughie